I almost went ghost 🫢

Hi my loves,

I’m not going to lie, I almost ghosted ya’ll. I tend to go ghost when I’m going through major life events. I know it’s not the healthiest coping mechanism but it’s one of the ways I usually handle my emotions. To be by myself.

As the youngest of three sisters (with major age gaps) I felt like no one really took me and my emotions seriously. From a very young age I learned that I needed to keep my feelings to myself and learn how to manage them on my own. I never felt like I could count on my sisters, my mom, or my dad to be there for me. That’s why I’m hyper independent now and I struggle with asking for help. However, I want to do things differently for myself because I recognize these exact patterns are what is holding me back from living the life I want and deserve.

Instead of going ghost, I’ve been hanging out with some friends, accepting my friends offers to call them whenever I need to vent, and posting more on social media. It’s uncomfortable for me to lean on other people because I feel like a burden but I’m not that.

However, I did just have a moment. I called my mom and she didn’t answer the first time around. She called back and tells me that her and my dad are watching a movie. I quickly said goodnight because I didn’t want to interrupt their time together. I hung up and thought to myself, will I ever be someone’s person? And this isn’t the first time this has crossed my mind. A couple of weeks ago I joined my sister as she picked up my nephews from school and I was in awe of her little family. Don’t get me wrong, I love being in my own company and I’m 100% still in my "F them kids era”. I know I’m whole by myself, but being able to go through life with someone is so beautiful.

There are many shifts going on in my life right now. I’m not quite ready to share what those shifts are, but for now just know that I’m not feeling okay. However, I know God is making a way for me.

Questions I’ve been asking myself recently:

"What do I really want?”

"Do I want to work in politics forever?

"In what ways am I holding myself back?

The chapter I’m entering is requiring me to create new habits that are going to benefit this version of me. Instead of being stuck on "why?” certain situations turned out the way they did, I’m leaning towards embracing those hardships and becoming a better version of myself.

Con Amor,

Lorena

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